You are hitting exactly what I have been in convo with Yah with for about the last year.

This is completely from my relationship and experience of what I believe Yah to be telling me, so pray about it and take it with a pinch of salt. I have nothing to back this up, and I am still in conversation with dad.

I know Yah wants me to do something, and that thing is probably the most scareee thing to me. I have to do exactly what you have said and stand in His inherent power and ability. I believe He wants me to heal the sick, and raise the dead.

This is going to be one LONG post and I apologise lol but bare with me as I lay it down lol Maybe I should start from where I am now and work backwards...

OK

So Why cant I do what we inherently should be doing as a matter of course. I believe Yah has told me I'm a bit of a train wreck. I'm broken. I cant function as intended at the moment. I know what broke me, it wasn't sin, it wasn't lack of devotion, it was pure lies, deception, and blatant false teaching. At the moment im left with the truth, but I have to sort through my wreck with Yah to see what was real, what was hype. I know I have had relationship with Him before I came to YY, I know this mainly because I ended up here.

In the year 1999-2000 I was on a placement year working for YFC as a youth worker in Dudley, I was an excellent Christian - brimming with enthusiasm and doing something about my faith. I joined YFC because Yah told me to, I was terrified of Youth work, I was very introvert. I know He told me, that's a truth I have gleaned from my train wreck. He also introduced me to my wife, and me to her (now that's a story... too long for now :P).

In the mid point of the year we had a retreat, where we all met and shared about what we had been through so far. It was a very "spiritual" time, and another Yah time. After this time, my wife to be and myself started getting a vision, kinda in word form, that fitted together - although we had written our parts about 40 miles away from each other. Basically it said that the organisation of Religious Christianity would cease, in a day. That got our attention, as we thought we were right... More importantly He spoke about His glory, being poured out, like hot lava, refining fire. And separate from the vision He has spoken to us about setting up what we would have called a church. The "Church" He wanted us to create was one where He could sit with us. One where His glory could rest and manifest. A place where we could be filled up, like useful vessels and poor out over the community. Now I don't mean in good will or community action, I mean being the legs of Yah. Walking out like Moses coming down from the mountain. Like when peters shadow fell and healed the sick - not because peter was super, or amazing, but because of who He carried. Yah said that the miracles are mere side effects of His presence. He said that He wanted to make us into useful vessels to hold His Glory.

While we were getting this vision that kinda happened over a few days, Yah said He wanted to be the potter and break my wrongly made pot (me). He said it would hurt, and it would take some time... So I thought a few weeks would be enough. After that time, I left the project and moved to Manchester with my new wife :) Unfortunately for Jude, I slipped almost instantly into a huge depression. I think I was under for the first 5 years of our married life, the only emotion I could feel was anger, and I did not get that too often. Jude amazingly put up with me, I think more through stubbornness at not wanting to prove the people saying it wont last wrong. I don't remember much of that time, it was strange, and I wasn't me. But one day, it just lifted. It was like Yah pulled me out by the scruff of my neck, very gently, but the difference was incredible.

So I finally thought, maybe this was my pot broken? maybe I the visiony things would start to kick in? Well, I was wrong there - I was still mislead, whatever I had been through it was just leading up to what was coming... the train was about to de-rail, and the person who helped de-rail it was Mr Swalchy.

So I found out I had been fed lies. Lies that even the people telling them did not thing they were lies. You would have though this upset me, but strangely it didn't. The more I learnt the more it made sense and I read ferociously. I never thought I was religious, until I found myself repenting for being religious lol.

So now I am hear, I know His Name, I know more about who He is and who I am and what it all means now more than ever... but like Steve, nothing was happening. I remember putting my arm down in work to pick up a bit of vinyl and burning it on the side of a heat gun. It wasn't too bad, just took the top layer of skin off. But as I was driving home, I thought I would stand my ground and claim the authority I had. It was a minor burn, surely not too hard for Yah ;) :) Nothing happened. We spoke at length about this, I knew He wanted me to heal, but how was I meant to do it if I couldn't even sort myself out. (lol maybe I would have crashed... :P)

I don't want to use the excuses, that Yah chooses one person over another for them to be healed - or the receiver had too little faith. From what we have discussed, I don't believe that anymore. More and more I have things happen to me, I was out at Tesco's (supermarket) the other month, and this guy with a limp was in front of me - I felt something I have never felt before, and it buckled my knees. I did not notice the guy until I felt this, Yah said it was going to be like that all the time, that is kind of how its going to be. It happened again to a lady in a wheel chair, I know that He was kinda just showing me, if you know what I mean. Then i had this mental vision that must have happened in a few seconds - because it was in the day. I walked into a graveyard, and I was looking for a specific grave - and when I got there I just called her out. As Yahushua did. It so real I can still see it - the only other vision I have had like that was one of the Harvest when I was at school, but even then that was a dream, this was in the middle of the day...

So why isn't it happening now to me? I think its because I am not called to it just yet. J&M brought this to my attention when I spoke with them at some great length, we have to wait until we are called. Everyone in scripture seemed to be called, even Yahushua. I think Yah is telling me to chill for now, and let him make the vessel. I keep getting strange overwhelming feelings for the people around me, like I have never had before... genuine love... and that's something I never had. I can drive down the motorway (highway/freeway), walk through a busy shop and be overwhelmed by the amount of people who just didn't know. "All these people! There isn't much time!! We need to get moving Yah!" But its not yet... He smiles, He knows.

On the subject of waiting, if there is one thing I know about my experience with Him - He's an eleventh hour kinda guy :)

So for me, at the moment, I'm taking one step at a time. I'm learning, and trying to get closer to Him.

There is soooo much more than just that, but I don't want to waffle on, I hope Steve that gave something to you, I am sorry it might not hold any answers :) And I hope it makes sense lol

Thx for the replies, gents. Although I appreciate your input, your replies are generally standard operating procedure/responses to my ques seein' as how there appears to be none better.
Since I've never known anyone who had the gift of healing, (or "tongues"/preaching in a foreign language not previously known), or knew anyone who knew a healer/tongue talker, it would appear that ever since the apostolic age, Yah's family has been waitin' for who knows what type of spiritual development/maturity that would enable these things.
I am aware of a healing that ocurred in the '30's. My grandad, a very devout christian preacher, had TB and prayed for a healing. He was healed. Nearly fifty years later, my dad had heart surgery and the doc asked about his childhood 'bout with TB. My dad knew nothing about ever having TB. The doc said the lung scars were ironclad evidence that my dad had TB as a child and had apparently contracted it from his dad. Yah healed them both as nobody but Him knew my dad had TB.

Shabbat Shalom All,

Steve, there is a post by Koos under In His Name -- Swearing by Ba'al that you need to read. I'm sure that you shall be glad, and be a little more hopeful. I suppose Koos has shown that when one asks for righteous action through belief and is willing to claim Yahweh's promises, one should accept in full confidence that divine healing is a done deal. Thanks, Koos and I now know one person with a very special gift.