Peace my brothers and sisters,
I have been moving forward in the true faith for somewhere between six months and a year... I came to the truth when, I assume, guided by spirit I began a search for a "bible" using the name of Yahweh. I found the web site Eliyah.com. I have been having great deals of trouble in my prayer life and in growing in knowledge and boldness... I still have a great deal of trouble expressing my faith completely before men, have made very little progress resisting my flesh, and have not been able to derive joy from my relationship. I have come to the conclusion that the hardships of my youth have caused mental blocks that will not allow me to trust in myself or for that matter our father. One of my main problems is I have no idea what it is to trust a loving father. I am in great need of prayer and fellowship and discussion with and from a mature one in the body of messiah. Any communication and prayer is welcomed. Thank you all in advance

You Brother in Yahushua,
Michael Browell

Welcome Mike!

I hope that your visit here shall not be temporary and that you shall find some of the answers that you seek. Rob is right -- you must learn to relax. This is the first step. You see, most of us (if not all) have been running to and fro trying to seek answers until we realised that the answers that we seek WILL turn up if we believe that little part of Scripture that says, "Seek and you shall find, knock and it shall be answered..."

If you believe that the Father is everywhere, then you don't have to run hither dither so much. Just stop. Pray for direction and listen for a while. By listen, I mean look around you properly. Look at the people you come into contact with on a daily basis. Look at the newspaper vendor, the bus driver, the janitor, the staff in the cafe you always visit. Look at your colleagues, and your clients. Look at the newspapers, the Internet. And read Scripture. And do what you have learnt a little at a time. It cannot come all at once, and He knows it. And if He knows it then He must be giving us some time. But the clock is ticking so there is some urgency.

But as you do and allow your life to be led, you shall find yourself doing things that you never thought you could do. You begin to like and appreciate all the little things that are around you more. Your thankful nature will lead you to appreciate the bigger things that the Father has in store for you. Mike, you hint that you did not have a meaningful relationship with your natural father, and I am sorry for that. I had a good father and a fantastic mother. Neither smoked, drank or gambled and were faithful with each other to the end. Both taught and instilled superb values, and the religious upbringing did impart some important values and exposure to Scripture. The flawed religion that I received has not done me any harm as I now understand that I am preordained to the Truth and was thereby seeking my Father's voice. (But false religion hurts others badly.)

This has been a journey filled with all sorts of experiences and thankfully in spite of all that has happened I am still on the same narrow road. Went off on a detour a few times but always returned to the path after being nudged and shoved. Have I made a public declaration of my beliefs and "expressed my faith before men" in the manner you describe? Actually I am most conservative in some ways about this because I was afraid of hurting others around me who do not have the same understanding. And I could not express it to them well because my understanding was also incomplete. The frustrations of knowing what you are but not knowing what to do is overwhelming sometimes. This is the inner struggle that plagued me, and most probably all of the Ekklesia. We try to obey and face seemingly insurmountable obstacles. So we wonder why we are called. We call out, "What do you want from me, Father?" And the answer that usually comes back is, "Come child, and learn My ways. For My ways are not your ways or the ways of this world. Learn and come out of this world. Eventually I shall show you what your journey entails, your responsibilities and your challenges. I shall guide and protect you. Trust me." So we all begin this walk with great trepidation at first, like a child taking the first step and afraid to fall. But we soon learn that He is always around to help us get back on our feet and show us direction. He will tug at you if you stray, and sometimes chastise you if it isn't good for you. Yes, I know we all say, "Make us rich, Father, and we'll do your Work," but He knows whether riches will keep us on the path or off it. :-) Perhaps when we show that we can do the Work, He adds on to our purses. Then things increase. And you do more Work and get closer to Him. And eventually you find yourself wanting to do the Work in all circumstances, rich or poor, and finally realising that doing the Work makes you rich! You will realise that all that there is in this world now cannot compare to the riches that He is keeping for you.

All you have to do is to prove yourself capable of managing the little responsibilities that come your way. And not to forget to mind your Ps and Qs. And realise that nobody is perfect but Yahushua and we can be like Him of we allow Yahweh into our lives. I'm rambling so I'll stop here and just say it again, "Shalom, Mike!"

Mike,

I think we have all experienced some of what you are experiencing, at least in some degree or another. I had a problem with the father part of Father at one point also. May be not for the same reasons as yours, but nevertheless, it was hard for me to call upon the Father as 'Dad'. This is what I know: I know that we experience valleys, valleys that make us feel alone and disconnected. Sometimes we bring these valleys on to ourselves, sometimes it's an occurence, sometimes it's an attack from the adversary. Whatever the case may be - PRAY, PRAY, PRAY. Don't wait for the right time - DO IT THE MOMENT THE THOUGHT COMES TO YOUR MIND. Talk to the Father.
Just simply talk to Him. He knows your heart and mind anyway - so there's really nothing to hold back. While it doesn't feel like it at the time, we learn in these valleys of disconnection. And we come out stronger. And I think DAD IS THERE WITH US THE WHOLE TIME, helping us to grow up in our trust and faith of Him.

Father, please help Mike. Please bring clarity to his mind and heart. Help him to realize that You are there. Right there where he is. Help him to let go, and let You. Help him to trust in You. I praise You Father for Your loving kindness. I praise You for who You are - our loving Father, the Dad who never leaves His children. Praise be to Your Name. Praise be to Yahushua, my Master, my Brother, and my Friend. Love you Dad. Love you very much. Please keep Mike safe beneath the shelter of Your wing. Let it be so.

Praise Yah from whom all blessings flow. . .

CK

Shalom Mike,

The inner struggles are always with us. One of the reasons why we are asked to seek each other is to encourage each other. Our physical presence helps us to support each other. With our touch and words we can soothe pain and anguish and worry, and bring each other even closer to Yahweh, who works through us. By knowing each other better we also get to know different aspects of our Father. Alone, we may live in doubt and fear. Together we can do much because we have each other. Wherever you are just remember that you have found some brethren seeking Truth. I am also away from most of the flock but I despair not having found them on the Net now. In time we shall meet, and shall have a family reunion. Till then, hang in there and do not worry about holding it in or letting it out. Just be, and continue to talk to Yahweh in spoken word or in thought. Peace be with you!