The way I see it, sex has a dimension where two people become one spiritually so you do have to be careful. I wouldn't consider it until you are planning to get married. But if the relationship is headed there I would 'kick the tires before you buy the car' at least once to make sure they don't have some kind of weird fetish or dysfunction that you wouldn't want to discover after you're hitched. ;)

I think (though I can't prove it) you guys have missed the point. In Yahweh's eyes, apparently, sex is marriage. The physical union between a man and a woman is a metaphor for the spiritual union between God and His people---His "bride." That's why divorce is forbidden for any reason other than for adultery (in which case the symbol has already been destroyed); why rape is a capital offense; why the daughter of a priest (read: believer) who becomes a harlot was to be burned at the stake; and conversely, why a young man and an unbetrothed virgin who let their homones run amok are not stoned, but are rather "sentenced" to a life of marriage with no possibility of parole. The wedding ceremony has nothing to do with it---that's just there so the community can rejoice with the couple.

But remember, the ideal marriage doesn't begin with a sexual union (recent American cinema not withstanding). It begins with a promise, a commitment---a betrothal. The promise of faithfulness that exists between Yahweh and His bride is mirrored in the promise of faithfulness between a man and a woman. The institution of marriage isn't so much a rule as a prophecy---one that is in the midst of being fulfilled in the life of the Ekklesia. We have indeed been "betrothed" to Yahshua, but we have not yet consumated the marriage. The promises have been made, but we are still spiritual virgins. Our "wedding night" isn't that far off. The marriage supper of the Lamb is right around the corner. What will it be like? How does Yahweh feel about his bride? Go back and read the Song of Solomon, and put yourself in the shoes of the Shulamite. Is it getting warm in here?

kp

I am in complete agreement with KP. My wife and I were not allowed to get married because she is a Chinese citizen. Women cannot get married until they are 20 years old in China. Through reading the scriptures and looking at the accounts throughout the word of Yahuweh I actually had concluded this when I was in high school. The promises and the covenant made between two people with and infront of their creator and the consumation of that union is marriage. My wife and I did have relations before we were "married" by government standards. But before we did we went to a secluded spot and before Yahuweh made solemn promises to each other and to Him. I took the scriptures and read some pertinent passages as we were hand in hand. You could say that we "lived in sin" but we really didn't. We understood that this wasn't a bf and a gf living together on a let's see what happens basis. We took our vows very seriously. I called her my wife and she called me her husband even before we had the government's piece of paper. We have now been married in our eyes for 3 and a half years and I love her more than ever.

I like what you say KP especially this one.

Sex would (AND CAN...and I believe has legitimately) constitute(d) marriage. Our failings do not nullify or damn Yahuweh's perfect designs and righteousness...however they do damn us. I would say that Yahushua's spoke more about a condition of the heart that was manifested in physical action and no so much about sex being marrige. By her own admission that the man was not her husband the Samaritan was just being honest about that condition. If Yahushua looked into this woman's heart and saw that this woman and man were committed to each other and desired to raise a family together, share hardships and happinesses together, for richer for poorer in sickness and in health...all that jazz...instead of just shacking up for a while out of convenience or lust...and perhaps seeing how things worked out...but actually had joined hearts and hands and were sharing the same bed without a ceremony or religious recognition...I think he would have been serious about telling her to get her husband instead of trying to convict her heart of her sin. This woman obviously was spreading her love around a bit too generously for Yahushua's tastes which I would say has something more to do with adultery than what is not or is marriage. I don't mean to be petty or vulgar but we all know people that are comparable to this Samaritan woman in our communities that have 8 kids from 5 different men and seem to have a new man every couple of months. However, I don't want to disparage the ole' lass too much, because for all we know she could have changed her POV...and the attitude of her heart...accepted the Messiah...kicked out the bum...or made it honest...and sinned no more and is now sleeping in Paradise. Having said all this...are ceremonies...and wedding parties wrong? Of course not....and perhaps it does prompt people to be a little more honest or determined...but I am not willing to judge somebody who does not have a piece of paper when the actions state something good has happened. Perhaps it doesn't happen so much in this society now...people shack up and live together for a year or two and all the while share their beds and expenses and call each other bfs and gfs...and then....splittsville...no harm no foul...we were just bf and gf...even if we did have kids...but that doesn't once again soil Yah's plans and designs...we are simply waves throwing ourselves against rocks that never crack or erode.

So there goes his assertion that there goes your arguement that sex is marriage...yeah...

All of this came out much worse than it was in my head...I hope it makes sense at least a bit. Please don't woop me!

Ok, so I am going to be brutally honest with anyone who reads this post.

I have read everything that is written here and I am having a hard time with some of the comments. We have got to as society take back the intimacy that is formed when a man and a woman become one. There is a very clear reason that Yah says that we are not to defile the marriage bed, and there is a reason that the bridegroom went off to prepare a place for his bride. We have got to look at sex and marriage beyond just the night it happens and realize it’s a commitment well before the actual act. There has to be the betrothal and then the marriage the actually ceremony of sorts, now however it is done is irrelevant. It can't be just a jump in bed sort of commitment because we all know how successful that plan was, look at all the broken and hurting people, look at the children with no parents, its about acknowledging your commitment. I get so frustrated when sex is misused to justify our actions, we are lustful by nature I guess it came with the fall but we are as Yahudim called to live a life that is honoring to Yahweh and in doing that we must follow his word.

And Rob if a couple was so committed why not get married? True commitment is honoring each other enough to promise themselves in marriage right? The paper is not worthless but it is the written proof of what is already on your heart and at least here it allows for a tax break. Sorry if this is a little random, but I am passionate about this and I am tired of people getting hurt just to suite our desires.