 Joined: 8/10/2007(UTC)
Posts: 11
Location: In the DFW area of north/central Texas.
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Hello to my precious brothers and sisters in Yahuweh. How often do you long and yurn for a home you do not know? Do you count the days or beg for Yahuweh's kingdom come? I feel joyous but also heart sick today. I feel like such a stranger here on this earth. It seems the home sick feeling grows in intensity as each day goes on. I can't shake the feeling that it's close, our blessed hope. I feel lonely, small and frustrated sometimes. I would be out on the streets or in the prisons ministering if I didn't have 2 teenaged kids (both going blind) and a husband who must hold down a job to pay for our home, car, medical coverage, medications, etc. Being blind and half crippled doesn't help. I'm not wining nor desiring pitty, believe me. That is the absolute LAST thing I want.
I am just frustrated! I want to go out and help people like Yahushua told us to! Why is it the people who can do these things don't and those of us who want to can't realisticly do so very often? I do try to evangelize whenever I get the chance, and as many people come up to talk to a blind chick in a wheel chair with a German Shepherd believe me that's a lot. I also try to encourage other believers by uplifting the name of Yahushua. I can't help but do that! It's just part of who I've become, part of who He's making me to be. But, it still doesn't feel like enough!
? I am discouraged because there is so much that binds me here in an earthly way. And yet Yahuweh blessed me with my family and home, so...
Doesn't anyone ever feel like they'd like to just leave it all behind, live on trusting Yahuweh and go out there like Yahushua and his 12 desciples did?! Am I crazy? Am I being unrealistic? I feel like there isn't much time left to evangelize, and I feel like I'm not doing what Yahuweh wants me to do to further His kingdom. I was called to evangelize, pray and testify. I don't feel like I am doing that. I'm not doing enough. I can't swollow past the lump in my throat and my eyes burn. I just feel so futile when all I want to do is give back, to say thank you, to serve Yahuweh!
I know this is long. I need to talk to someone though. My daughter is playing on her guitar and singing praise/worship music while my husband haltingly plays on his base. It is making me cry. I am so lonely to be with others who understand--who long for Him, breathe only for Him, wait only for Him.
I'm sorry. I meant to write a more positive post. it's hard when you're love sick. I don't even think my own family understands just how deeply I have fallen in love with Yahuweh and Yahushua. No one but those who've read FH, YY or TOM could really get the depth of emotion of which I write. I know I sound like a drama queen, too. I guess I kind of am being one but I wish church could be all the time with other people. Isn't that what a fellowship board is for? I want to post something here for all of you to read, in my next post. It is utterly lovely. I pray Yahuweh pour out His blessings and favor on you--all of his beloved children. If you put up with this rant, you are amazing.
Yahuweh, please, please come home! Please come to get all your kids.
Carolyn
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Carolyn in DFW TX and Guide/Service Dog Ellie
"I will bring the blind by a way they did not know; I will lead them in paths they have not known. I will make darkness light before them, And crooked places straight. These things I will do for them, And not forsake them." Isaiah 42:16
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 Joined: 6/28/2007(UTC)
Posts: 1,030
Location: Palmyra, VA
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I know it's frustrating, Carolyn, but remember, Paul did his best and most enduring work in prison. The prison you endure may not be the same kind as Paul lived in, but it's a prison nonetheless. I can't honestly say that it seems to be holding you back much---any more than his did. I wish I knew half a dozen "Christians" who see as clearly as you do, and who walk with Yahshua as gracefully. You are not alone, any more than Paul was. Yahweh has gifted you, as He did with Paul, with all the support you'll need. Paul had his Luke, Timothy, and Epaphras; you've been given Jason, the girls, and even Ellie the wonder pooch. You've got an ever widening circle of friends who live elsewhere, too---I'm honored to count myself among them. And as Paul's heart communicated to believers in Rome, Asia Minor, and finally down to us, your love for Yahweh is being celebrated halfway around the world, thanks to the Internet and some really cool software.
That being said, I'm with you, C. I'm ready to go any time.
kp
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 Joined: 6/27/2007(UTC) Posts: 254  Location: Florida
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Ditto kp Carolyn!!! and you can think of yourself as a Mary and not a Martha who always had to be doing. Maybe Yahushua just wants you to enjoy HIM and not be distracted by "working for Him"!! how cool is that!!! And hey, anytime you want to whine it's ok with me!!! Trust me I'm not above whining myself!!!
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 Joined: 7/5/2007(UTC)
Posts: 127
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Carolyn,
Yep lets go! But remember, each day we are here, someone else has a chance to come to Yada Yahuweh. There is still time on Yahuweh's clock even though we may want to eagerly watch the seconds tick away. Hang in there Carolyn, class will be over soon.
Noah
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 Joined: 6/7/2007(UTC) Posts: 185
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Hi Carolyn,
Its good to know that you have found us here, I was reading your post tonight after having a very rough day and yet found such love and peace in your words. I believe Yahuweh is using you for great and amazing things even though it may not feel like it right now. Your words gave me hope and blessed me beyond measure! Thank you so much for sharing your heart with me, I am so gratefule for YY-Forum as it is full of lovesick people!
Blessings!
Tiffany
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Joined: 8/10/2007(UTC)
Posts: 11
Location: In the DFW area of north/central Texas.
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Wow, thanks Tiffany, KP, Jeannie, Noah and everyone for responding. I honestly felt better after I wrote that, and didn't think any would respond. Anytime knowing my suffering can bring peace to another or better than that, hope, is time well spent. I am still listening for the sound of a trumpet and praying Yahuweh's kingdom to come!!!
Love, Grace and Peace Always,
Its good to know that you have found us here, I was reading your post tonight after having a very rough day and yet found such love and peace in your words. I believe Yahuweh is using you for great and amazing things even though it may not feel like it right now. Your words gave me hope and blessed me beyond measure! Thank you so much for sharing your heart with me, I am so gratefule for YY-Forum as it is full of lovesick people!
Blessings!
Tiffany |
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Carolyn in DFW TX and Guide/Service Dog Ellie
"I will bring the blind by a way they did not know; I will lead them in paths they have not known. I will make darkness light before them, And crooked places straight. These things I will do for them, And not forsake them." Isaiah 42:16
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